Humorous

A friend of mine calls the folks arbitrarily buying up every random thing in the store (e.g. TP and bottled water) “panic hoarders.” Honestly, that is an excellent name for them. I mean, I understand the people frantically buying Purell by the gallon (why, oh why didn’t I buy stock in Purell???), but bottled water? Did Covid-19 get into the plumbing? I guess I will invest in a LifeStraw. That way I can drink from the creek in my backyard. And I’ll use the leaves for TP.

I have been playing with hypermiling (the idea that how we drive affects our gas milage) for a few years now, and I find it very entertaining. I mostly enjoy the reactions I get from people both on and off the road when I’m doing it. But today’s reaction was perhaps the best I’ve ever seen. But before I tell that story, let me explain what I do, and to a certain extent, what hypermiling is. When I drive I try to get the best mileage out of my car as I can. And to do so I have a number of driving habits that are different from other drivers on the road, including:

Here are two videos of Her Excellency fighting at the Sergeantry Trials this weekend. It was amazing fun, and anyone who wasn’t there missed out! [video width=“960” height=“540” m4v=“https://capstone.kyrnin.com/~jenn/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Eoin-vs-Sineidin.m4v"][/video] Be sure to watch this next one to the end. [video width=“960” height=“540” m4v=“https://capstone.kyrnin.com/~jenn/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/SineidinvsThePike.m4v"][/video]

According to Komo News weather:

This time, we’ll be dealing with scattered heavy showers with possible thunderstorms and – get this – maybe even some thunder*snow* in the Puget Sound Convergence Zone areas.

And for those playing along at home, yes, I live in the “Puget Sound Convergence Zone.” I’ve always thought of it as the “zone of wacky weather” myself, but I guess the official name is better. [caption id=“attachment_680” align=“aligncenter” width=“168”] Screen shot courtesy ThunderCats Lair[/caption] Thundersnow! I’m so excited. Nearly in time for Jaryth’s birthday. We had to drive through light snow when I went into labor. Good times! But there was no thundersnow. I’m stoked!

In order to open our gate, I have to crouch down to dog level, reach my arm through the slats in the gate to pull up the latch and then push the gate open. Normally, this is a pleasant opportunity for my dogs to greet me. McKinley will push his head through the slat and Storm would jump around trying to find the best way to get to me. [caption id=“attachment_593” align=“aligncenter” width=“300”] Stormageddon and McKinley guard the gate[/caption] But today McKinley didn’t come to the gate right away, and this gave Storm the chance to get right up to the slats where my face and arm are reaching in. Normally, I would just let her lick me, open the gate, and move on. Today, when she licked my arm, I looked down and saw sludge. My friend was telling me about how she had to clean up after her cat threw up this morning. Apparently the cat had eaten a spider and the spider egg sac. When it threw them back up the egg sac opened and all the baby spiders were crawling around in the cat barf. That’s pretty gross. Another friend was asking on Facebook for suggestions for what to do when a 4-year-old toddler pukes in the car on a road trip 1 hour away from anywhere. That’s also pretty gross. When I told these stories to my husband, he reminded me of the last time Jaryth got sick. He wandered around downstairs crying “Where’s mommy?” I came out of my office, picked him up, asked what was wrong, and he threw up in my face. That was exceptionally gross. But all of these things were surpassed today when I realized that I had been licked by a puppy with a mouthful of half-eaten slug guts. I thought cleaning her mouth of slug guts was bad. Being licked by that mouth is worse. Thank you Storm, for helping me develop a very strong anti-nausea reflex. [caption id=“attachment_595” align=“aligncenter” width=“300”] Stormy shows that she has no slugs on the menu right now.[/caption]

So, this morning we got back from our shopping trip and walk and I brought in the grocery bag (in my reusable wolf bag) and the cat carrier we are using to transport our new puppy in. [caption id=“attachment_456” align=“aligncenter” width=“300” caption=“Stormageddon the day after we got her”][/caption] I thought about being lazy and just put the kennel down and thought, “No, I’ll put it away right now, so it’s not cluttering up the kitchen.” I then walked to where McKinley’s leash and backpack go, put them away and then walked to the storage area and put away the carrier. Yay me! [caption id=“attachment_457” align=“aligncenter” width=“300” caption=“McKinley’s leash hung up by the door”][/caption] A few minutes later I realized that I hadn’t put away the groceries. So I went back to the kitchen where I’d left the bag to put them away. No bag. But Jaryth had moved the chair by the door so he could get a cup of water from the sink. So, I guess he moved the bag. Started searching the most likely areas a toddler would put a bag of groceries—in other words I looked around the kitchen floor. No bag. So I looked in the living room and dining room. No bag. “Jaryth, do you know what happened to the grocery bag? You know, the one with the wolf on it?” Blank stare, still no bag. Mark starts helping to look about then. He looks outside where Jaryth had been playing in the rocks, in the barn, in the shed, in the trash cans, in the car. No bag. I am starting to wonder if I imagined buying groceries. As the bag is no where! I give up looking, and decide to take Storm, who has woken up with all the commotion, outside to do her business. Mark comes out and says “I found it! Now you have to find it!” Of course, I’m thinking “I’ve been looking for it for the past 20 minutes, what makes you think I could find it now that you’ve found it?” He asks, “What else were you carrying when you brought in the bag?” For those of you playing along at home, go back and look at the second photo in this post. Note that BEHIND McKinley’s backpack is a bag with a wolf on it. [caption id=“attachment_458” align=“aligncenter” width=“199” caption=“what the leash rack should look like—sans bag”][/caption] Most of the time, I do the stupid things done in this household, much as I’d like to lay the blame on any toddlers or animals in the vicinity.

Jaryth was downstairs weeping piteously. Mark could not console him. I had no idea what was wrong. Then suddenly he was calm again. Phew, the crisis is averted. Then “I want that!” he yells. And before Mark can respond, “Where’d the zombies go?” Followed by some more crying. I can tell that having a son that is probably going to be a gamer just like his dad is going to result in a lot of humorous statements. He plays Plants vs. Zombies, and when he asks to play he says “I want to feed the zombies.” Of course, that is my fault, as I noticed that since he’s only a toddler and doesn’t understand the point of PvZ he tends to let the zombies through fairly frequently. Thus I said that he was clearly feeding them. He was concerned that the poor zombies were going hungry, so he feeds them his own brain. That’s the generous soul he is. Of course, now he’s back to playing Tozzle. Tozzle is an extremely loud game that he plays at full blast volume almost every day. He plays only three of the puzzles in it: the windmill (which he calls the “mim mill”), the train, and the planes. When he builds the “red one” (the plane with red markings) he then finishes and tells us that we are going to the airport. “We take a plane to Bibi’s house!” he announces over and over.

We got a Parrot A.R. Drone for our birthdays (Mark and I) back in December. And we had a blast with it. Jaryth absolutely loves it. He daily asks to see the drone. And when the weather is bad, he comes indoors and watches our video of our drone as well as other YouTube videos of drones. But then, come January, I stopped talking about it. Why? Well, it got stuck in a tree. [caption id=“attachment_302” align=“aligncenter” width=“497” caption=“This doesn\’t look too high, right? Click to see the full size of the tree”][/caption] Look for the red line towards the bottom of the image to find our fence-line. When it finally fell down from the tree, one of the rotors didn’t turn correctly, so now we are waiting for a repair kit and replacement rotors and shell (which disappeared).

Vonage’s transcription of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer as sung into our voicemail:

“Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very shiny though and if you have Verizon hand and you even say it glows.”

If you have Verizon hand?

A shiny though?

Surprisingly, it usually does a pretty good job. But this was particularly funny.

Jaryth liked licking the icing. I also learned that marshmallows must be eaten on a stick (courtesy s’mores we had last summer). He yelled “stick! Stick!” over and over until Mark gave him a toothpick.